30 years later…

A Montclair reunion

I’ll start by saying that my college years were some of the best, most memorable ones of my life. I credit those years with becoming more independent, discovering who I was outside of my parents, and expanding my creative process. On the first day of acting class, I met “my people.” We loved our performing arts selves, wanted to explore it more in a more intensive way, and did so together at Montclair State College (now University). I look back on those experiences as part of the foundation of who I am today.

After four years of taking classes together, performing in shows, doing grunt work in theater practicums, directing, and spending lots of time in the diner just off campus, we graduated in the spring of 1993. It was a somewhat abrupt ending to a time in which we literally saw each other every single day. We worked and played together for so many hours in each day, sometimes from early in the morning until late at night; tech rehearsal weeks were brutal. But, rather than sniping or getting sick of each other, we embraced each other’s company. It was like a small fish tank where our existences kept circulating around and around each other. We laughed through the stress and exhaustion of our very intensive theater program. We’d finish rehearsals and head to the diner for a few more hours of blowing off steam. I went to school with some truly lovely people.

This gallery is from the last few days of senior year. Really lovely people. My roommates, Cara (RIP), Stacy and Jill were part of my daily life, in classes, shows and in the dorms.

After graduation day at Brendan Byrne Arena, our daily time together ended. We went our separate ways, remembering each other fondly.

This was all before cell phones, of course. By the time the iPhone came out, we were married, having families, working in our careers (whatever they were). When Facebook came to the scene, we’d eventually find each other, and we’d keep tabs from a distance. Occasionally we’d reconnect, usually when someone from the program passed away too soon. There have been too many of those for my liking. Two past posts talk about that: We are the adults now and Celebrating Life .

A couple of weeks ago, I got a message from Nancy, one of our classmates and fellow theater kids. She was getting together with a small group of “kids” from college and asked if I was interested in joining. Immediately, my heart screamed YESSSS!! and I changed my mammogram appointment. After all, lunch with my college peeps sounded like MUCH more fun. In addition, I had a photo album with their pictures all over it. I was very much looking forward to this reunion, since I haven’t seen most of them since graduation day.

I’ll start by saying that the visit was outstanding. I arrived at the restaurant, The Barrow House in Clifton, NJ, and for three hours, we were exuberantly chatting away like we saw each other last week. Of course, there was a lot of catching up to do, but we had already been following up from afar on Facebook, so we had a pretty good idea of where were in our lives. We reminisced about old shows and the pre-graduation party in our off-campus apartment as we looked at my old photo album.

We talked about our lives, our jobs, our families, like the best of friends, even though so much time has passed. We even talked about retirement, either current or upcoming, which was fun to think about. Early in the visit, someone said “30 years” and it hit me like a ton of bricks. We just passed our 30 year anniversary of our graduation! I looked around the table, and save for some gray hairs, a few pounds and maybe a few wrinkles, we really look the same.

I guess when you find your kind of people, and you still love them after spending an inordinate amount of time together, distance doesn’t really matter. People don’t really change at heart. We get older, we have some battle scars, but fundamentally, we are the same people. And when we are back together in the same space, it’s like entering a time machine and it’s the day after graduation. Our lives are a little more complex now, but when we share the same space, we are the same goofy, kind, loving people we were 30 years ago.

After a few short hours, thoughts of dinners, mini vacations, and campus visits came up; any excuse to find ways to see these dear people again. I shudder to think that we have let so much time pass without seeing each other. Any time I see them, I smile and remember that they played such an important part in the transition to my adult self. I’m looking forward to our next outing. I like feeling like I’m back in college, even for just a few hours.

I think now, as we are moving through our 50’s, into our “older adult” mode, we all understand how precious time is. These visits are a form of self-care with all the smiling and laughing we do together. I talk about my “second act” and what it is going to look like. I definitely think these people need to be a part of it.