Growing older with you

Looking back on 37 years of loving you, we’ve navigated some really hard times together. These are some musings and impressions that come to mind when I think of you. I present: a GenX love letter.

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The early days

We’ve actually known each other since 1984ish. You were the big brother in our high school friend group. You welcomed me with open arms when I was a freshman. You made me laugh. You let me ride in the front seat of your car. You were my shoulder to cry on when other boys were stupid.

It wasn’t until August 1988, as you were leaving for college, that we looked each other in a different way. Little did we know the door we opened when we decided to start a relationship with three hours between us. No cell phones, no video chats. Just letters, mix tapes and long-distance telephone bills.

The later years

Over three decades later, we have weathered the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sometimes, being on my side of this partnership, I’ve battled some difficult feelings. It’s hard to see you struggle. It’s hard to feel helpless, knowing there’s nothing I can say or do to make things better. When the shit is hitting the fan, it’s hard to sit quietly, not knowing what to do or say. But as we’ve learned, that’s often the prescription for healing an aching heart or soul.

That’s happened so many times in all our years together. We have weathered every kind of difficult. We’ve also enjoyed every kind of wonderful. 

What I appreciate most about us is our commitment to always and forever. I love that the phrase is still what how sign our cards and letters to each other. 

That commitment is quiet and enduring. We don’t have to say much. We exist in our universe. We look at each other and are reminded that we always have our favorite person with us. And in this world of crazy uncertainty, that’s the greatest comfort: especially when the bad things happen. 

That doesn’t mean we take each other for granted. Nothing is completely certain in this life. But the commitment to doing the work together gives me the courage and resolve to keep moving through this life. 

It almost doesn’t matter what we do together at this point. We can dress up or stay in our pajamas. We can hike or watch TV.  We can do our taxes. However we spend our time together, you are the person I want to spend that time the most. While it doesn’t have to be at the exclusion of everyone else, our couple time together is sacred to me. 

Especially catching your eye from across the room. Sometimes, it feels like it’s just us. Still. After all these years. When you look at me and smile, my universe is okay. 

Individually, we’ve changed immensely. Life does that. What I’m proud of is that we’ve changed side by side. We’ve endured heartbreaking and life-altering events and somehow, we still like each other very much.

Together, we taken so many steps towards thriving. We’ve learned how to better manage our emotions. We’re choosing healthy options, even when those choices felt uncomfortable or worse, impossible. I appreciate the fact that taking care of us is important to both of us.

As I’ve struggled with this perimenopausal transition, you’ve held me up. You’ve made me laugh. You are the only shoulder I want to cry on. It hasn’t been easy, but you’ve learned about it along with me. You remind me that I’m not crazy. Well, not completely crazy.

I’m so impressed by your tenacity, your intellectual curiosity, and your ability to accept change. You have been a role model, not just for our kids, but for me as well.  You are my safe space, even when you are uncertain. You are a loud, proud advocate for all the right things. You are kind, and in the name of kindness, you call out the assholery in the world. 

We’re fast approaching our retirement years together. Honestly, I’m looking at that blank slate with a bit of trepidation. Life is never clear, never certain. But I choose to enter these years with hope and excitement. I want to capitalize on the investment we’ve made into our lives. I want to make every moment count and have adventures and spend quiet time with you by my side. 

No matter what the future holds, as long as we do it together, I’ll be just fine.